The Hope of Glory

I wanted to share my experience at the Wheaton School with your team. It starts off negative and ends with glory. I have attached a picture I took Thursday at sunset that reflects "The Hope of Glory" that I discover by the end of the Friday prayer for healing of memories.

My first two days at the Wheaton College were a bit weird for me. From the moment I got to my room, I had the strongest feeling of acting out sexually, it was overwhelming to be honest and this continued all day Monday and Tuesday.   Nevertheless, on Tuesday after the teaching on mothers and the sense of being and well being, I went for prayer and I went to one of the ladies. This is the first healing I got. As I closed my eyes and let her pray for me, her perfume overwhelmed me. I realize that I never smelled my mother's scent. As I continued to smell her beautiful perfume, I received an inner image of me as a baby in a crib and that perfume reaching me and I inhaled it as if I was inhaling my mothe'rs scent for the first time. When she finished praying, I hugged her and it was like hugging my mother.  I felt loved. When I sat down, immediately, my own mother texted me a picture of a post card I sent to her many years ago on which I had written: "Star bight, star light, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish tonight. Please, tell my mom that I love her very much". I was so surprised that the Holy Spirit had my mother finding this card as she was cleaning and sending it to me just in the moment that I had that experience. I got up and told the lady that prayed for me all this and showed her the picture.

However, right after the day was over, I continued to have an overwhelming urge to act out sexually and I did in some way.   I was very disappointed witht myself because I came with such high hopes to be healed that by Wednesday morning I was retreating into myself, into my false self and started practicing the fallen self. I started thinking to myself that it was a waste of time coming here, a waste of money and I was about to leave Wednesday. I missed the first half of Wednesday plenaries because I was in my room wondering if I should just leave but then I decided to attend the 2:00 pm plenary. 

In the 2:00 pm plenary, Sarah started talking about "Practicing the Presence of God". There was a lady who also talked with a British accent (loved her) and at the end, she had the older gentleman pray for us. This older gentleman, the one that carried the cross at the beginning, started guiding us to imagine getting a present from the Lord. I jumped in the water and I got my present. When I open it, it was a crown and a bible. When I opened the bible, it was blank with white pages. Then the number 26 slowly appeared and it was clearly seen real big but there were no letters on the pages. Suddenly, from right to left, golden letters started filling the pages till they reach the number 26, they were Hebrew letters. I told the Lord that I didn't know how to read Hebrew and He replied: "Look up the Hebrew words for the number 26". After we stopped praying, I used my phone to look up this up and the number 26 is made out of two Hebrew words: Beth for the number 2 and Vav for the number 6. 

Beth means "house", "tent", the house is the dwelling of the body of man in the world of duality and illusion. A house also gives protection and shelter. A house is a containing form. In the spiritual sense it contains the Light, the Spirit. Beth as a house is also is the Sanctuary, the Temple.

Vav means "nail", "hook", both function for fixing something. The nail's function is joining two parts together.

This is my understanding of my inner vision: Beth is house & vav is fixing. Put them together and you get "House Fixing"! This is the meaning of my vision of the number 26. I understood that God was fixing my house, He was fixing me! He was building me up. This was confirmed later on Thursday when a lady of your team shared that she saw the process of a house being built from the ground up to the ceiling during her walks and that is how God builds us up too. God is good.

On Thursday, when Sarah asked us to sit closer before she started talking about introspection, I felt led to sit in the front row. I finally started seeing clearly and I started to receive from the Lord even more healing.

Finally on Friday, during the healing of memories prayer, the Lord showed me the root of my struggle. I have heard many times that my dad always wanted girls when he married my mom but my mom only gave my dad 3 sons.  I'm the middle son. When he got his two girls by his second wife, he was very happy. Over the years, my dad has shown more excitement by the birth of his granddaughters then by his grandsons. He even has told me that he hopes when I get married that I will give him a granddaughter but I told him I want sons. On Friday, the Lord helped me to understand that the root cause of my struggles with my sexual identity and gender is a rejection of my gender by my dad. He rejected my gender. As a child, I didn't know if I wanted to be a girl or a boy, I was very confused. I always felt more secure playing with girls than boys, and I wanted to emulate woman superheroes at times like Wonder Woman. Now for the first time I saw the root, the rejection of my gender by my dad.

I took all this to the Cross and by the end of Friday, I felt very clean and free. I know there is no magic wand you wave and poof, all is gone, there is a process for my healing. I know this is the beginning of my healing. I need to continue practicing the Lord's presence and continue in my healing but these 5 days gave insight, knowledge and kindled The Hope of Glory in my heart. 

I want to say that the first couple of days, the choice of music was not to my liking at all and it was hard to worship God. However, by Friday it was beautiful music. What I learned from these 5 days is that we don't sit at Jesus' feet anymore, waiting, listening, waiting and listening to receive. We are in such a hurry and we pray fast. I learned a valuable lesson at the Wheaton School and that is to sit at the Master's Feet and listen and wait for His Voice. He is faithful and He is always sending His healing Word, we just need to learn how to sit at His feet and just listen.

I thank you and I bless you.